He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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