Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
