i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We left an ass print on the piano.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
