He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
