lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
