Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
