Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
