Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
