you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
