I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize