It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
