stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
