Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
