Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
