I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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