I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
