Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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