New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
