STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize