i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
