She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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