I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
