I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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