Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize