Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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