How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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