absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
