Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
