I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
