There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
