I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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