Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
