I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
