I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
