that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
