i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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