Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.