I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?