Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
