I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.