if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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