Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
