I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
