Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
