it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
