This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
