some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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