I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
