lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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