At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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