My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
