I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
