what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
