Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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