I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
