how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
