Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
