he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
