Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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