I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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