yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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