so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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