just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
