we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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