i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
