We named our party play list daddy issues
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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