if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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