i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
