My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
