Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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