Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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