Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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