At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
