yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
