How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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