My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
