I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
