So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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